I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize