In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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