So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
