glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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