I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
