Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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