There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
