I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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