I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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