I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
