What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
