Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
