when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
