I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If I die, sorry about rent.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
