I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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