the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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