And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
