He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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