i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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