I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
