I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
