It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
