There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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