We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
