As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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