I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
