walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
