I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
