Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
