Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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