I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
smell my finger.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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