i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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