btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
