First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize