butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
