happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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