Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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