I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
