I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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