Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
