MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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