Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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