You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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