You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
