I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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