so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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