im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
