I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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