he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
