Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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