i jhust puked up my retainher.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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