So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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