Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize