How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
