If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
