Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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