I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
