She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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