that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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