I am full of burrito and curiosity
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize