Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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