I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
