I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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