Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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