I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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