Im at strip club and am horny
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize