I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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