i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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