You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
