Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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