There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
