Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
