Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
