how can u be prego again
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
