I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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