we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
