That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
