Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
