i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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