So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
